


You were good to me

by Skyelle



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Comfort, Falling In Love, Fluff, Growing Up Together, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Light Angst, M/M, Sad and Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:34:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28980453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skyelle/pseuds/Skyelle
Summary: Lance listened to everything Esteban had to say. He heard every cry, every note, every shudder and every heartbeat. He could definitely understand why he's so scared, why he wants to be alone, why he wants to die. [AU]
Relationships: Esteban Ocon/Lance Stroll
Kudos: 11





	You were good to me

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to you who just popped in here. I imagine you're curious. So let's begin...

Lance was walking home from school, it was his second day. Late summer. Warm air and unfiltered sunshine on clear blue canvas. He carried a bag full of school books and a sandwich, when he hears a voice. A voice that at this point in time was unknown to his young ears, but he would come to know it well in the years to come. The voice tells him to stop right where he is and eat his sandwich.

Lance looks around him to see who it was, but sees nobody. He decides to listen to the voice. He sits on the street corner and starts eating his sandwich, as instructed. After eating it, he starts walking home again. The voice tells him to go to a small house he passes by every day. He does as he is told.

When he gets to the house, he hears the voice again. This time it tells him to open the door, which is unlocked. Inside, there is a room with a double bed, a bulky tv, an oak table cluttered with someone's historic dinner and then...a fireplace. On the bed there is an old blanket and next to the fireplace, there is a really thin, chained up, naked boy. He looks extremely scared, he was shaking. 

“Who are you?” asks the boy, trembling.

“I'm Lance.” He pauses. "...Stroll."

“I've never heard of you. What do you want?” asks the boy.

“I think...I want to help you,” Lance says, watching him nervously curl together into a ball. 

“What can you do to help me?” he cries.

“I can get you out of here,” Lance whispers.

“No. Please,” quakes the boy utterly shattered at the idea, “they'll only hurt me."

“I swear, I can."

The boy stares at him for a moment. "Okay. My name is Esteban. Please, help me..." he can't finish as he starts crying.

Lance goes over to the boy, pulls his own hoodie off and gently covers him up with it. 

“I will do everything I can to help you. I promise,” says Lance.

“What are you going to do?” Esteban croaks weakly through sadness. 

“I'm gonna try to remove these chains." 

“How?” 

“Don't ask, just trust me,” says Lance.

Esteban looks at Lance and nods. “Are you gonna hurt me?” 

“Never, I promise. I'm gonna try to help you and put an end to whatever is happening here” says Lance. He tries to remove the chains, but he can’t. He looks for something that would help him, but there is nothing.

“Try to get up,” he tells Esteban.

In a couple of minutes, he gets the chains off the boy. They hold each other in their arms, breathing shallowly at each other's necks. 

“God, I could've died,” says Esteban.

“I'll stay here with you," Lance respons. Looking around he instantly regrets his words. They should leave and hide somewhere. Call the police. 

“You can't," Esteban protests, wiping at his cheek. "You have school tomorrow. You can't stay here. You are gonna get in a lot of trouble. Leave me. I'll be fine."

Lance looks at him and shakes his head. “I'm serious, I'm gonna help you. You don't need to be alone."

“I've been alone my whole life. Just let me go. Please,” says Esteban and pushes the hoodie against Lance, drops it, then staggers toward the bed. 

Lance catches his hand and feels terrible but he can't force him. Before leaving, he whispers in his ear, “You are not alone anymore.”

Lance runs home as fast as he can, praying nobody saw him. He thinks about what he had just seen. He thinks about that poor boy, that poor Esteban. That poor, harmless boy. Just trying to survive. He needs to help him. He will. Even if it costs him everything, he will help him.

\---

“Hello Lance” says Lawrence who just entered the living room to find his son flat out on their large couch. 

Lance lifts his hand half heartedly. “Hi dad."

“What did you do at school today?” asks Lawrence as he sinks down in the armchair. 

“I learned that I am a very curious person."

“What are you curious about?” 

“I like to learn. I want to learn everything about everything. I want to explore this world and become a F1 driver,” says Lance.

“That's good. Explore away then. But first, did you finish your homework?” 

“I sure did. I spent the whole evening on it," Lance lies.

“Good, go up to your room. It's half past Lance's bedtime."

Lance does, and his father comes up with him. His room was tidy looking, except for the bedsheets and the blanket that lied in a pile on top of the bed.

“Oh, you didn't get rid of that?” asks Lawrence, nodding at the bed.

“Sorry, I can’t,” replies Lance matter-of-factly. 

“Are you sure you can't do it?” asks Lawrence.

“Dad, what different can it do?” replies Lance. 

“The bed is full of bugs! You have to get rid of that. It’s filthy!”

“Sorry it’s been around so long,” says Lance.

“It’s alright, but you still need to get rid of it. You can't sleep with it. Please."

“Alright, alright, It’s just, I CAN’T. It’s not your bed, just no." Lance rolls his eyes angrily. “I’ll do it when I go to college. For now it’s just sleeping on the couch,” he says.

“If you say so,” Lawrence says. "Goodnight." 

Lawrence goes down the stairs. Lance quickly climbs onto the couch and lays there, waiting for what will happen next. Soon the door opens and his mother steps inside with a smile.

“Good night darling," she says.

“Good night,” replies Lance.

She starts caressing Lance's hair and Lance closes his eyes, enjoying the honey scent he can pick up on her hand. He wonders what Esteban is doing right now. What if he is alone and scared? What if his hands are chained up? What if he is thinking about him? What if he's thinking about the moment when he told him that he was not alone anymore? He could only hope that Esteban was telling the truth.

“See you tomorrow," says his mother.

When the door is closed, he rolls over. He claps his hands together and presses them against his face. He couldn't think. He was too tired. His eyes were on the verge of closing. He turned off the lights and scrunched up. 

\--- 

Seven years has passed and Lance wakes up, but he is not alone. Next to him, Esteban is now sleeping. Lance looks at him, and sees that he is still awake. Tears are streaming down his face like a watetfall. Lance tries not to react, but he is too worried. He creeps over to him. As he is about to stroke his cheek, he hears Esteban whisper the word, “lonely.” 

Lance pulls him close and whispers, “I'm not gonna leave you.” 

Esteban gasps, turns his face to him and says, “Leave, please leave..” 

“You feel lonely, right?” asks Lance.

“I always feel lonely,” whispers Esteban.

“I'm never gonna leave you."

“Yes you are."

“I'm definitely not,” says Lance.

Esteban cries even more, he just can't stop. He looks into Lance's eyes, and he sees that he's telling the truth. He keeps crying, but he feels better. 

“I love you,” whispers Lance.

“I love you too,” whispers Esteban, as he holds onto him and embraces him.

\--- 

Lance falls asleep again, while Esteban studies the black valve outside the window, glimmering with thousands of stars. He feels like home. He feels like he is safe again.

Later he dreams, or has a nightmare if you will, about that night before Lance found him in chains.

He remembers everything in vivid details, even if he had been sedated. It's the last thing he saw, before the drugs took over his system. The picture of when Ivan opened the door, and raped him that night. His eyes were wide open. His heart was racing so fast.

Morphine became his friend. It made him unconscious. It was not only the drug, but the deep, dark and cold sleep as well. With that sleep, he did not have to live a lifetime of torment at night. He didn't have to sleep in fear at night.

But now cuddled up next to his boyfriend Lance, he can finally fall sleep. He can finally feel safe. He’d never get to feel like that again.

He thinks, “My life was not wasted.”

He thinks back to that day. The day the crimes happened. The day his mum left. He had known that she was going to leave ever since Ivan walked into the room with her. But he still had hope. He wanted so badly to be able to go with her. He wanted to be able to escape from the hell he was living in, but they escaped separately. He had been in chains for two days, and his mother had been gone for two weeks. He had begged but still she had left him. That night he knew for sure that she had left him behind.

\--- 

It was still dark, at the time that Esteban woke up. Time showed 4:56. A light tremor coursed through him and he scooted as close to Lance as he could to keep himself warm. His whole body was cold and his feet were numb. Soon, he was swathed in flames. It felt like his whole body was on fire, but it was only his chest that was burning. He moved himself to the edge of the bed and felt a single tear form in his eye.

“I'm sorry, Lance,” he says to the floor, as a single tear escapes, but it's not quiet tears. 

He looks down at Lance, who was laying there so peacefully, like he was sleeping. He was silent, but he was still looking at him. It was as if he was telling Esteban that it was okay, that no matter what happened, he could still be there to help him. It was as if he was telling him that he still loved him. 

As soon as the tear hit the floor, Esteban runs into Lance's arms. The feeling of being held by him sent Esteban into a long fit of crying. Lance said nothing, not a word, not a breath, not a murmur, not a whisper, not even a hand stroke, but he was listening. He listened to everything Esteban had to say. He heard every cry, every note, every shudder and every heartbeat. He could definitely understand why he's so scared, why he wants to be alone, why he wants to die.

“Lance,” whispers Esteban, “I'm terrified.”

“I know,” whispers Lance, “but I'm gonna make sure that you will never be afraid again. I'm gonna make sure that you are never alone. It's not gonna cost you two hundred million dollars. I am gonna be a F1 driver and make you happy. I'm gonna make you a world champion. And I’m gonna be your rival,” whispers Lance, chuckling a little. “I'm gonna beat you, I'm gonna make you cry; I'm gonna make you watch as I am racing.”

“How's that gonna make me happy?” whispers Esteban. 

“I'll give you a trophy,” says Lance, “and I'll kiss you on the cheek,” he pauses, “and on the lips. I'll remind you of that night of our first."

A smile comes onto Esteban's face as Lance pulls him even closer. It was a perfect moment. It was a moment where there was nothing else but Lance and Esteban. Both were holding on to each other for dear life. There was nothing and no one else. There was just them and their love for each other.

“I love you, Esteban,” whispers Lance. 

“I love you too.” 

Then, true perfection. 

\--- 

When it was time for Lance and Esteban to get up, a new day had started.

As soon as he opened his eyes, Lance saw Esteban next to him, crying softly. Lance instinctively grabs him, and cradles him in his arms.

“Hey, what's wrong?” whispers Lance. 

“I'm so scared. Please, don't let me go,” whispers Esteban.

“Never,” whispers Lance and starts petting his hair, letting his tears stay on his shirt and face. 

“I love you, Lance,” whispers Esteban.

Lawrence peeks inside their room to check on them.

“Is everything alright?” asks Lawrence to the both of them.

“I'm alright, dad. Esteban is just a little afraid,” replies Lance.

“I'll go get you some warm milk,” says Lawrence. 

“We are good,” replies Esteban, “but I'm gonna go make some furniture.”

“Oh?” says Lawrence, “I didn't know that you could do that. I never realized that you knew how to do that. ”

“Things happen while you are asleep,” whispers Esteban with a small shrug. 

“Things?” says Lawrence, cocking an eyebrow at him. 

“Yes."

“Are you sure you can make furniture?” asks Lawrence. 

“Yes,” whispers Esteban as he walks out of the room and leaves the house in pyjamas and slippers.

\--- 

Esteban went to the hardware shop that he would always go to when he was a child. 

“You wanna buy something?" asks the shop keeper to Esteban. 

“I want the best quality wood and tools that you have.”

The shop keeper hands him a basket and Esteban walks into his inventory and begins to examine his choices. “Here,” says the shop keeper pointing at the biggest, densest wood, “Feel free to take this one. ” 

“How much will that cost?” asks Esteban. “That's a very big piece.” 

“That would cost you a hundred dollars,” replies the shop keeper.

“How much for all of the wood in your inventory?” asks Esteban. Not that he had the money to buy a ton of wood, but he enjoyed the company. 

“Six hundred fifty,” replies the shop keeper.

Esteban picked up a package with a red hammer. He liked the look of it so he bought it. He looked around for a while, looked at other things that he would like to buy, but didn't have the money for. There was a futuristic looking desk that he liked, but it was to expensive for him to buy. In the end he bought a small pencil, but he didn't have any eraser and he had nothing to write on. He went from store to store, but he couldn't afford anything. 

\---

Lance stands next to the fence. Esteban loves it when Lance whispers his words of affection, because it seems so real; it seems like it’s really happening. He loves it when Lance is close to him, or touching him. Lance whispers, “I love you, I'm not going to let go. I'm not ever gonna leave you.”

He loves him too, he says, somewhere deep inside of his heart. He loves him and will love him forever. It doesn't matter how much money Lance makes, or how many championships Lance wins, or how many times he disappoints him. It doesn't matter if they are apart for a year and they live in different towns. They will always be together. He means, “I love you forever. I love you for life. I love you, even if you never win a championship. I love you, even if you never see me again. I will love you even if you never come back. I will love you forever. ” 

\---

The rest of the day was spent gaming, eating, watching movies and cuddling. They don't leave the bedroom. They don't leave the safety of the house. As the sun starts to set, Lawrence goes upstairs to check on them.

“Is everything alright?” asks Lawrence.

“We're okay, dad. Esteban is still afraid. He likes it when you are around though,” says Lance.

“And how are you, my son?” asks Lawrence.

“Well, I'm looking forward to the new F1 season. I think that we might do better next year,” replies Lance.

“Next year! Are you sure you can keep racing around for that long?” asks Lawrence.

“I have to, dad. I have to keep doing well. If I don't do well now, I won't have a future!” Lance says.

\--- 

Later that day, while Lance is outside, Esteban walks out of the room to see that Lawrence is asleep. He walks around for a while without aim until he ends up inside the big library and soon he finds an old leather bound book. It looks very unique and interesting, like an uncharted island. He thinks that the book might be pretty cool, except that Lawrence doesn't like him touching anything. So he walks back to the kitchen with the book and sits down on the floor.

He opens the book to find it to be blank. No words typed. No sign of anyone using it. He thinks of the pencil he bought last year, that the blank pages might be ready to be told the story locked away in his heart. 

The house gets less quiet as Lance comes back inside.

“Hey, buddy, what are you doing?” asks Lance from the kitchen doorway.

“Just looking through an old book,” replies Esteban.

“Oh? What's it say?” asks Lance, walking over to him.

Esteban looks over at him, smiling, “Nothing yet.”

“That's a shame. I want to read it."

Esteban giggles out loud as Lance sits next to him. Lance takes him in his arms and they look at the book.

“I think we should fill these blank pages with a story about us," suggests Lance. 

“What kind of story would it be?” asks Esteban.

“Something heroic. Something that will tell our love story to the world,” whispers Lance.

“What, the perfect love story about some war heroes?” asks Esteban, wiggling his feet. 

“Something like that."

“You'll definitely be my love hero,” whispers Esteban.

“Mhmm, I think so too,” whispers Lance, kisses Esteban on the forehead as Esteban begins to write their story.

\---

It was late at night, but Lance was wide awake. It was too quiet, and Lance wants nothing but to stay with Esteban. He lays in the dark for a while, then gets up to look for him, he hears crying. He follows the eerie sounds to the kitchen, and towards the library. He rips open the door, and Esteban is sitting by the door in a ball. 

“Are you okay?” asks Lance.

“I don't know. I never know anything,” replies Esteban.

“What's wrong, baby? Come here. You are shivering so much,” says Lance, pulling him up.

“I'm scared,” whispers Esteban. "I can't fill these blank pages. It hurts so much to remember."

“You'll be fine,” whispers Lance.

“But how?” asks Esteban. 

“I don't know,” whispers Lance, kissing him, calming him.

Lance takes Esteban into his arms, thinking about everything that could be bothering him. He can hear the faint sound of moaning outside. He looks out of the window to see a man standing there, staring. He has a demonic face and just watches him. Lance grips Esteban more tightly and pulls his head into his neck, glaring out the window. The man is still there. Just staring. Then he turns and walks away.

\--- 

Lance runs through the busy crowded paddock, scanning every face and corner for Esteban who he had not seen for over three hours. Lance has now been searching for over an hour, and he is still nowhere to be found. Finally, his eyes meet Pierre and Charles, chatting away to each other. Lance grabs them both by their collars and pulls them closer to his face. 

“I have been looking for Esteban for hours,” says Lance. 

“What?” asks Pierre, confused and tries to undo Lance's grip on his Alpha Tauri sweater.

“Have you seen him?” asks Lance and felt hot from worry.

“Why would you be looking for him?” Is the reaction he gets from Charles.

“Because he's been missing for about three hours,” explains Lance.

“Three hours? That's a not long time, mate ,” says Pierre.

“He is not doing well, Pierre,” whispers Lance with a soft voice, trying not to lash out on the both of them. 

“Maybe he decided that not being your friend is how he would be better for you,” says Charles in a carefree tone.

“He would never do that. That's just not him,” says Lance. 

“I think you're just too stressed out,” says Pierre, patting him on the back.

“Are you serious? Are you telling me that I am too stressed out?” Lance backs away from him.

“It's obvious that you are stressed out. I don't think that I have ever seen you act this way before,” says Charles.

Lance backs away and watches a security guard looking through some boxes. Behind them someone's feet pokes out. Those are Esteban’s shoes. Lance hurries over and pulls the boxes away to see Esteban hiding there, crying. 

“Thank god!” shouts Lance.

“Where were you?” asks Esteban through his tears.

“I was looking for you. Have you been here the whole time? I thought that something bad had happened to you,” shouts Lance. 

“I don't feel so good.”

“I got you,” says Lance and kisses him. The security guard looks at them and smiles. 

\---

Esteban was fast asleep, but Lance could not sleep. Lance talks quietly to him, about what he had thought. He talks about how scared he was when he went missing and how horrible that feeling was. He tells him about his past and how he had feelings for Charles all those years ago. How Charles rejected him, but now it was okay. He talks about how it is okay to have butch relationships as long as he loves Esteban. He tells him how he will love him forever, how he loves him and that he will always fight for them.

Suddenly Esteban wakes up and looks so different. He looks so much more rested and calm. He is looking at Lance with a smile on his face.

“I would like to try something new,” whispers Lance.

“What?” asks Esteban, smiling.

“I want you to ride me,” whispers Lance, and moves closer to him. 

“What is this?” whispers Esteban, and looks really confused.

“Everything is okay. You'll like it. I promise,” whispers Lance, kissing him.

“Mhm,” says Esteban, stringing the word together.

“You are so beautiful,” whispers Lance, and touches Esteban's chest. 

“You're pretty handsome too,” replies Esteban.

“You should try to get on top of me,” whispers Lance, and moves to kiss him on the neck.

“What?” says Esteban, looking worried.

“It will be okay. You'll like it,” whispers Lance.

“How will you know?” whispers Esteban. 

“I just know,” whispers Lance, smiling. 

“Okay,” whispers Esteban, and moves up to kiss him.

\---

A bird tweets among the leaves that rustles softly with the breeze and the wind moves through Lance's brown hair like a gentle hand. The grip he has on the fence is steady but his heart is pumping like crazy. Today they are getting married. Their love is stronger than ever, and this day they are gonna show it to the world.

“Are you ready?” asks Esteban, striding up to him in a dark blue suit. 

“Yeah. Are everyone else ready?” asks Lance.

“Yes. I think they are ready."

Lance kisses him and looks through the crowd that had showed up. His eyes meet Charles' gaze. They stare at each other while he follows Esteban inside.

“Where are you going?” asks Charles, storming after them.

“Where I have to be,” answers Lance coldly.

“This is so wrong. You are making a huge mistake,” shouts Charles.

“It's the right choice,” responds Lance. 

Charles stops. “What if you are wrong?” 

“I'm not. It's right,” replies Lance, but his voice is so quiet Charles doesn't hear him.

The wedding goes smoothly, and they all eat the catered food and drink the expensive wine. Friends and family members congratulate them and they join together in the joyful moments. Lance dances with all of the people that had showed up and is so glad that they support them. Charles, on the other hand, leaves. He walks out into the street and cries. 

“Charles, what are you thinking about?” asks someone behind him.

He looks behind him and sees Pierre, who looks very concerned.

“I,” says Charles, but then stops himself.

“What?”

Charles clears his throat and slowly turns around. “Nothing.”

“What is it, Charles?” 

“I just think that... I don't even know what I'm doing here, or what I'm doing with my life,” says Charles and looks up at the sky.

“Hey, why don't you come with me?" With a promising smile Pierre extends his hand towards him. "We can take the car somewhere else."

“I have to go,” says Charles.

“Don't leave like this, please.”

“I'm sorry. I have to go,” says Charles, and walks off. 

\--- 

Lance quietly opens the door and walks inside the room without Esteban noticing. He climbs into the bed and feels the soft bed sheets on his skin. He smiles and places himself beside Esteban, who is sound asleep. A tear trickles down Lance's cheek. He touches Esteban's arm and thinks about their wedding day. He is so happy, yet he can't sleep. 

“You are smiling while you sleep,” whispers Lance.

“Is that true?” asks Esteban, face delirious.

“Yes, it's true,” whispers Lance.

“Am I smiling for you?” asks Esteban, still smiling.

“Yes, you are smiling for me,” nods Lance. 

“That is nice,” whispers Esteban and closes his eyes. 

Lance and Esteban fall asleep, and their dreams overlap together. They dream of riding a rocket in space, to a distant star. They dream of being in love forever. Becoming a forever.

\---

The sun shines through the curtains and slowly wakes the two. They look into each other's eyes and smile.


End file.
